


Cursed ancestry

by AgrippaSpoleto



Series: His own creature [3]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst, Forced Prostitution, Genetic Enhancement, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Not between pairing, Vasectomy, bad memories, illegitimate child, nothing graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-08 08:43:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20832614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgrippaSpoleto/pseuds/AgrippaSpoleto
Summary: Garak narrows his eyes and smiles in a way that always makes Julian uncomfortable."What makes you so sure that I want children in the first place?"The Doctor feels his ears heating up and lowers his gaze to his hand."Isn't family everything to a Cardassian? Is it not a Cardassian's duty to provide the state with loyal citizens?"





	Cursed ancestry

**Author's Note:**

> This little ficlet was inspired by [AuroraNova](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuroraNova/pseuds/AuroraNova)'s post [here](https://aurora-nova-fic.tumblr.com/post/187754247255/he-got-a-vasectomy-when-he-was-18-because-he-was) on tumblr. I share their headcanon and this reminded me that I wanted to write the conversation between Garak and Bashir. What happened was waaaayyyyy angstier than planned and Tain's even a bigger fuckstain than usual. 
> 
> In case there's a tag I've forgotten and should add, don't hesitate to tell me.  
Kudos and comments are love and always appreciated.

It hurts more than he sometimes realises. The loss of something you don't even know was missing. The joy on Miles' face when he sees Molly makes Julian's heart ache. The fear of an augmented child and the life that might await them outweighs the regret by far but the hurt won't ever disappear.

Julian is wringing his hands. Even though he believes in choice and bodily autonomy, he also wishes he could have children without second thoughts. Like all those other parents.

And now he has a boyfriend from a culture that values family and children above all else. Especially biological children. While same-sex couples have a few more steps to take before they can have biological children, it has been done for centuries now and nobody bats an eyelid nowadays. He's thought it all through and Julian's scared. Scared that the one person who might accept him despite his lies, will not be able to bear the one choice the young Doctor felt was truly his own.

"I can't have biological children. I have a condition I mustn't pass on to any possible offspring. It would be irresponsible", Julian just blurts out one evening while they are watching a Cardassian family show. One on the rather trashy side - if they both are being honest.

"I got myself a vasectomy as soon as I could. If I could have taken an even more permanent solution without impacting my growth and maturation, I probably would've."

Garak looks at him with an air of confusion.

Julian is sweating and he's sure he radiates anxiety at an uncomfortable level. He sees Garak taste the air with his tongue, as if his partner's pheromones could give him an explanation for his outburst.

"My dear, why do you think it would matter to me if we could have children or not?" He narrows his eyes and smiles in a way that always makes Julian uncomfortable.

"What makes you so sure that I want children in the first place?"

The Doctor feels his ears heating up and lowers his gaze to his hand.

"Isn't family everything to a Cardassian? Is it not a Cardassian's duty to provide the state with loyal citizens?"

"Just as much as it is a Federji's duty to be born free range and organically bred?"

Julian's head snaps up. His mouth opens to say something but no sounds come out.

Garak gaze in turn softens and he takes the doctor's face into his hands. The doctor starts sobbing. He's mostly relieved even though Garak knows - at least in a general sense - his secret.

"I have always lived in the negation. I am not what my parents wanted." _ I am not Jules. _"I am not even a real Human."

"Julian, dear. I don't know if you can believe me or if my voice even counts in the ocean of voices that have told you, you are not Human. But for me you are the quintessential Human. That the members of your own species could deny your ancestry and your rights does nothing to discredit you in my eyes. On the contrary, it just confirms what I always told you."

"And what is that?"

Garak's smile turns into a smirk.

"Humans are hypocrites."

Julian can't help but snort even if there's a part of him that agrees with his partner.

"But there are exceptions." Garak adds ignoring his partner's reaction.

"To prove the rule?" Julian adds a bit testily.

The Cardassian rises his eye ridge.

"That doesn't seem to make sense. Your language is not only imprecise but also illogical."

The familiar banter makes the Doctor smile softly.

"My dear, you are the exception because you're such a bad liar. You have never given me anything but the truth and you live by the principles you believe in. It is a fact I could always trust in. No matter how much I wanted to distrust you. Obfuscation is not lying, hiding to survive is not a crime, no matter what our would-be judges want us to believe. They're scared. Never forget fear is the most powerful motivator of all."

The Cardassian takes his partner into his arms and Julian rests his head on his shoulder basking in their closeness.

"Do you want children, Garak?" The Human whispers after a while.

"It is not a question of wanting, my dear doctor."

Julian rolls his eyes, not really surprised by Garak's evasion.

"Besides, who says that I don't have children? I am a few years older than you, after all."

Julian looks up to his face. The Cardassian's eyes are looking out of the port hole behind their projector, focussing on a small star in the vicinity of the Cardassian prime system.

"Having children is not all what they tell you in trashy holonovellas. Family can hurt you like no else can."

Julian snuggles closer, trying to spend as much comfort as he can. He suspects Garak needs it where ever his thoughts have gone to.

Garak's lost in time, his eyes not really focused on the third planet in the Cardassian system. Where he knows part of him lives. His thoughts wander to the moment he became officially an adult. Tain had liked to be modern in some aspects. In others he enjoyed the archaic barbarism of enforcing certain customs. Garak’s life had been planned by his sire, as if he was but a kotra piece. The day he was initiated into procreation had been no different. Especially since several scholars had shown that most traditions surrounding the first sexual experiences of youths were but a fabrication to justify sexual abuse not only during the occupation but also in the contemporary coercion and exploitation of low-ranking Cardassians by high standing officials.

Garak remembers only snippets. The dark burgundy sheets on a bed. The stinking incense. The dead eyes of the young woman. The knowledge that both couldn't say no. How filthy and used he felt afterwards. The guilt over those feelings since the girl had no escape at all while he could leave the room behind.

Seven months later a dirty little orphan boy had brought him a message. Only with the help of his mother Garak had been able to smuggle the little being, so dependent on warmth and care, to a rural family who had lost a child recently. And who had no qualms to take in a child with dubious parentage as their own. While Garak knew he could never be that little girl's father, he made sure over the next few years that the old couple and their daughter treated his child with the love and pride any parents should bestow on their children. At least one of Tain's cursed ancestry should be free.

Sometimes when the station is particularly cold and not even Julian can chase away his dark thoughts Garak thinks about a Cardassian girl with blue eyes and a carefree smile – as he does now. The picture hurts as much as it warms. Maybe someday he will tell Julian about her. And tell him he understands.


End file.
